


Chasing Darkness

by Fricksgirl_32



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Accident, Angst, Coma, Death, F/M, Gen, Hospital, Ice, Snow, Survivor Guilt, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29249979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fricksgirl_32/pseuds/Fricksgirl_32
Summary: Brian had been stuck in the dark for so long, not sure where to go or how he had gotten there. It's not until his cousin comes to his aid that he's able to find the light once again and leave the darkness behind him.
Relationships: Jackie Littrell/Harold Littrell, Kevin Richardson/Brian Littrell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Chasing Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by its title. Thanks to my really amazing friend krazikrys for letting me take the title and run with it.

Brian panted hard as he looked around him, darkness, that's all he saw, all he had seen for how long he couldn't say. He wasn't even sure exactly where he was or how he had gotten to this dismal place he was in. 

Leaning his hands against his knees he gave himself a moment to catch his breath. Walking had never been so tiring before but his feet felt like cement holding him in place and only allowing him a few steps at a time before being winded and having to stop. 

Once he caught his breath, Brian stood back up and forced his leg to move determination clear on his face. One heavy foot after another Brian felt as if he was gaining momentum before his knees once again buckled and he fell to the hardness below him. Growling in frustration Brian slammed his fist down onto the hardness. 

"FINE! YOU WIN! I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING YOU!!!" He yelled his eyes shut tight as the tears fell. "I give up."

"It's about time your stubborn ass decided to sit still." A familiar voice pierced through the darkness causing Brian to open his eyes and look up. 

He couldn't see the figure in front of him but that voice was undeniable. "Ke..Kev?"

The slightly older man smiled and lowered his hand. "I'm here cuz, take my hand." 

Brian reached for Kevin's hand but was met by air. "Where...where are you?"

"Right here, focus." He replied. 

Keeping his hand out Brian closed his eyes and took a deep breath before slowly letting it out and finally making contact with something solid other than the floor. Kevin wrapped his hand around his cousin's and pulled the younger boy up helping him get steady on his feet. 

"Where are we?" Brian asked looking up at the taller man even though he still couldn't see him but the warmth swirling around him was all he needed to know Kevin was there with him. 

"Inside your mind." The older man simply stated. 

Raising a disbelieving brow Brian huffed. "Not funny Kev seriously what's going on?" 

"Do you remember what happened?" Kevin asked, changing the subject and the tone of his voice. 

Brian knew from the tone the time for questions was over and that the other man had gone serious. The eighteen year old racked his brain trying to find an answer to the question but was coming up empty. 

"I..I can't remember." Brian whimpered softly. 

Silence fell between the young cousins as Brian watched the outline of Kevin's arm raise and move across the air as if he was wiping dirt off a window and for the first time since he had been dropped into the darkened abyss, the teen saw light. He had to shield his eyes from the brightness until they could adjust and once he pulled his arm away the image became clearer to him. 

He watched the scene play out before his eyes. He and Kevin were on the front porch with Jackie, Brian's mom. It was dark out but the glow of the front porch light illuminated the area. Jackie was crying, her hands folded together as if she was praying. Brian looked up seeing his cousin's face for the first time. 

"What happened?" Brian asked. His brain was still fuzzy but hated seeing his Mother crying. 

"We were leaving to go back to Florida." Kevin answered, never looking away from the scene. 

Like a switch had been flicked on, the events of that night came flooding back as Brian looked back up at his cousin. 

"It had snowed and iced, Mom didn't want us leaving in case the roads were bad." Brian recalled before his eyes went wide.

"Oh God..Kev..are...are we dead?" Brian fearfully asked. 

The sudden silence quickly became heavy and the teen grabbed Kevin's arm trying to keep himself from being crushed by it. 

"KEVIN ANSWER ME!" 

" You're not." 

It was soft, almost a whisper that Brian almost missed. He let Kevin's arm go as he tried to back away but once again his feet refused to move.

"No...No...NO!! you can't be dead!! You can't!!!" Brian shrieked as Kevin pulled him into his arms letting Brian cry and hit his fist against the other man's chest.

"I'm sorry...my fault….my fault.." Brian blubbered. 

"Shh Bri...it wasn't your fault. We both were insistent on getting back to the group, that we would be okay." Kevin soothed lovingly keeping the teen close to him, his fingers running through Brian's brown curls. 

The memories of that night came flooding back to him causing him to cry that much harder. Kevin continued to speak soothing words to the teen rocking in place almost as if they were dancing to a slow song. 

Once Brian had calmed down he pulled away from the other man and looked up at him. "So..What happened?"

Kevin reached down and stroked his younger cousins cheek gently. "We were talking and even though you were being cautious neither of us saw the black ice. The brakes went out and you couldn't get stopped." 

"I was told they needed to be fixed and I ignored it….shit Kev this really is my…" 

Brian was stopped by Kevin's hand over his mouth. "It's not your fault." 

Looking up with tears in his eyes Brian found himself nodding but knew Kevin could still see the guilt in his blue eyes. Kevin moved his hand away and Brian saw something he hadn't noticed before. Though Kevin's eyes weren't the piercing green they once were, there was something in the lightness that made Brian smile softly. 

"You found him." 

The older man nodded. "Yes and I couldn't tell you how amazing it felt to be wrapped in his arms again. I know the guilt will linger with you a bit longer but please don't let it hold you back from your dreams. Your voice could still take you places or you could follow your original dream and go on to college." 

"What...what are you saying?" Brian asked. 

Kevin chuckled softly. "I'm saying it's time for you to wake up and live your life." 

The light and image had changed and Brian saw himself laying in a hospital with his parents and brother around the bed.

"How long have I been here?" Brian asked looking up at Kevin. 

"A year, your ass wouldn't hold still long enough for me to catch up to you to take you home sooner." The other man huffed. 

"My bad?" 

Kevin chuckled and pulled him into his arms hugging him tight. " I love you Brian and I'll always be watching over you along with Dad." 

Brian hugged back tears falling knowing his time with Kevin was almost over. The two men pulled away and Kevin nodded. "It's time, go make me proud." 

"I will cuz." Brian nodded as he turned back towards the light and headed towards it, his feet becoming lighter the closer he got as if the warm glow was melting the heaviness away. Brian stopped where the light and darkness met before turning to look back at the man still in place.

"Go" 

Turning Brian took a breath and stepped into the light, the glow surrounding him becoming bright before it faded away coming into focus as the lights above him. He could hear the beeps of the machines next to him. He tried to move his hand but was stopped. 

"Mom! He's awake!" Harry's muffled voice yelled. 

Herold and Jackie had just stepped out to give the older woman a minute and some fresh air but now was back at her baby boy's side. She smiled seeing those blue eyes looking at her but she could see the sadness and guilt running through them. She ran her hand through his soft hair and shook her head. 

"No baby duck, what happened wasn't your fault. No one blames you.” She soothed lovingly. Harold returned with the nurse and pulled Jackie away while Harry joined them. Brian had gone back to sleep and would be watched the next few days but it looked as if the coma nightmare was finally over. 

Blue, a color of so many different shades and hues. A color that represented so much more than just a favorite color to Brian. It was the Wildcats color, it was a color that reminded him his cousin was near each time he saw it, and now it had taken on a new meaning as Brian looked down at the dozen black and blue roses with a couple of white ones in the middle. Minding the thorns on the stems, he had never held anything so delicately before in his life. 

It had been three years since the accident that took Kevin’s life and had put Brian in a year long coma. The guilt still lingered with him but Brian had made amazing strides. He was still at home and his parents were in no hurry to see him leave. He hadn’t heard from the other guys that had been just as excited to start the journey that wasn’t meant to be but Brian thought of them often and hoped they were living out their dreams in other ways. 

Winter had come to Kentucky once again and even though Brian was driving again, the thought of being on a snowy road still triggered him. Jackie and Harold were happy to take their son wherever he needed to go and Brian knew he needed to go to the crash site to finally fully move on. 

Keeping his eyes on the roses, Brian thought back to their trip to the flower shop. He wanted to take some flowers with him. The lady in the store had been so helpful and kind to the young man as he looked around and she helped him decide which would be the best to remember his cousin by. He had rounded the corner of the shop when he saw the roses, the young woman stopping behind him. 

_“You know rose colors have a different meaning.” she said softly, surprising the young man._

_“What do the blue ones stand for?” Brian asked, his eyes never leaving them._

_“They represent something unattainable or impossible to have.” She replied._

_Brian looked up at the woman beside him. “Would it seem morbid to mix them with the black ones?”_

_She shook her head and gave a soft, warm smile. “No, yes the black rose represents death and the end but…” She stopped and smiled. “Give me just a few moments, go have a seat.”_

_Brian nodded and walked over to the little waiting area that was set up. After a few moments, the woman came out with a beautiful bouquet of the flowers he had requested along with a couple of white ones, Brian’s eyes went wide and tears threatened to fall._

_“Black for the end, Blue for something that can’t be attained right now, and the white for a new beginning and letting your loved one know you are thinking of them.”_

_With tears in his eyes, Brian thanked the woman and paid for the flowers before heading out and getting back into the car._

Wiping his eyes, Brian took a deep breath and looked out the window knowing they were getting close and before long, Jackie was pulling the car carefully onto the side of the road. Jackie turned to look at her boy. 

“Do you want us to go with you?” She asked. 

Shaking his head, Brian took his seatbelt off carefully not wanting to ruin the beautiful arrangement that had been made for him. “No, I’ll be fine.” 

“Just be careful son, it’s a steep hill.” Harold reminded. 

“I will Dad.” Brian nodded as he opened the door and carefully got out, taking the flowers with him. 

Closing the door, Brian made the trek down the snowy hill making sure each step was made with the most ease he could mustard, not wanting to get hurt himself or damage the flowers. He finally made it down the hill and walked towards the small cross that had been put where the truck had made its final resting place. Brian squatted down not stopping the tears seeing Kevin’s name on the small cross along with a few other things that had been scattered around it. Brian carefully placed the bouquet of flowers against the cross and sighed softly. 

“Hey cuz, I’m sorry it took me so long to get out here.” Brian apologized softly. “I had a lot to work through before I could bring myself to come see you. I sure do miss you.” 

Brian didn’t know how long he had been out there but his feet were numb as he talked to his cousin, catching him up on what had been going on as well as his decision to go to college to become a music teacher. 

“I’m so glad you didn’t suffer, Aunt Anne told me you were already gone before the truck caught fire and burst into flames after they got me out.” Brian bit his lip giving himself a few moments. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like had Kevin been trapped in the truck still alive when it caught fire. 

“BRIAN!” Harold’s voice echoed through the chilly air. 

Brian sighed softly. “I need to go, but I promise to visit sooner next time. I love you Kev.” 

_“I love you too Bri.”_

Brian wasn’t sure if the words had been in his head or if Kevin truly had heard him but it didn’t matter as a small smile graced his face. Standing, Brian turned and headed back towards the hill. Kevin had been his guide back to the light and Brian was determined to stop chasing the darkness and honor his cousin in any way he could for the rest of his life.


End file.
